


Christmas Stick Up

by Dextrousleftie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Gay, M/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 19:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5510288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dextrousleftie/pseuds/Dextrousleftie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Christmas One-shot. A very unusual stick-up leads to a man having a very Merry Christmas indeed...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Stick Up

#

##

# It was a terrible ending to a truly awful day. I was slogging across the parking lot toward my car, through one of the worst snowstorms ever, when I was held up at gunpoint by an elf. Yes, you heard me right. A guy wearing a green-and-red costume including a hat with bells on it and shoes with curly toes came out of nowhere and pointed a gun at me. “This is a stick up!” he bawled over the rising wind blowing snow in our faces, as I stopped in my tracks and gaped at him. 

“Uhhh…” Was all I could think to say. This could not be happening. An elf(He even had pointy ears attached to the hat) was not pointing a gun at me and demanding all of my money. Not on Christmas Eve. Shouldn’t he be at the North Pole, helping Santa get ready for his yearly journey? That was the thought that went through my head, which just goes to show how well my brain was functioning.

“I don’t,” I began, still not sure that this was real. His face twisted in anger.

“Give me your wallet, your cell phone, and the keys to your car, or I will shoot you!” The elf screamed in rising fury, waving the gun at me. I found myself staring, fascinated, down the black muzzle. What kind of gun was it? Where had an elf gotten it? Why was I thinking this kind of stuff while being threatened with imminent death?!

The elf lifted the gun. “That’s it, asshole. Get ready to die!” He screamed, and I felt a cold deeper than the chill already making my skin feel numb rush through me. I was going to die, because I couldn’t seem to move. I was going to be shot in an empty parking lot behind a mall because one of Santa’s elves had gone rogue and was sticking me up…what a way to go. I could just imagine the cops trying to explain this to my friends and family. Gerry’s dead because he was shot by a Christmas elf at a mall. Would they even believe that? I closed my eyes, trying to resign myself to my fate.

Suddenly I heard a grunt and a dull, low ‘bong’ sound. My eyes flipped back open, and I stared in shock once again. The elf had collapsed face forward into the snow, and the gun had skittered away from his hand. Standing over him was Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, holding a giant metal candy cane in his hands. 

Okay, it was a guy dressed in a Rudolph costume, complete with a blinking red nose and antlers on his head. His eyes found mine. “I think I killed him,” he said in horror. “I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to stop him from shooting you.”

I felt a giggle lock itself between my teeth. A completely inappropriate sound in this situation, but I couldn’t seem to help it. “D-Did you…did you…hit him with that candy cane?” I asked, my voice wavering as I fought not to howl with crazed laughter.

He nodded. “It’s from the mall Christmas display. I came outside to have a smoke, and I saw him holding you up. I called 9-1-1, but I could hear him screaming at you and see he was losing it. I always thought he was on drugs anyway…he’s the guy who’s been playing Santa’s Helper all week. Really skeezy. I was afraid that he’d kill you, so I ran inside and grabbed the candy cane. Then I came out here and bonked him on the head with it. God, I think I killed him,” he repeated in horror, staring down at the unmoving elf.

I could just see the headlines now. Santa’s Helper Killed by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Using Giant Candy Cane. It was too much. Shell-shocked and still terrified as I was, I started to howl with laughter. I bent over, grabbing my knees, and let forth a screaming belly laugh of releasing fear and sick horror. I couldn’t seem to stop. I knew I was hysterical, and I didn’t care. Oh, God, what a night! Merry Fucking Christmas! 

Rudolph just a\stared at me, probably wondering why the hell I was laughing like a loon when he’d killed somebody. Then we both heard a low groan, and the elf ‘body’ jerked and moved in the snow. We both fixed our eyes on the reviving elf, and Rudolph laughed in a sick, relieved sort of way. “Oh, Man, I didn’t kill him,” he breathed.

“Awesome,” I replied sardonically. I wouldn’t have cared if Rudolph had killed him, not after the guy threatened to shoot me for my money. Screw Santa’s Little Helper. But I was glad, for the reindeer’s sake, that the elf was still alive and kicking. At least he didn’t have to have that on his conscience. Through it would make a great story at parties. “Hey, guys, I once killed a Christmas elf with a giant candy cane…”

I began to giggle again, weakly, as the red-and-blue flashing lights indicating the arrival of the police washed over the parking lot. This had been the strangest Christmas Eve I’d ever had. But I was definitely going to be thankful for all I had this year, especially my life…

 

The police came and went, as well as an ambulance to haul off the semi-conscious elf. The guy in the Rudolph costume gave his statement to the police, then sat with me on the curb while we watched the elf being loaded into the ambulance. The EMTs said that he had a concussion, and was definitely high on drugs, but that he’d most definitely live. Rudolph looked thoroughly relieved. 

I found myself fascinated by the blinking light in his red nose. My brain was still completely fried from stress and terror, and my thoughts were so jumbled that I couldn’t concentrate on anything important. So I stared at that blinking light instead. “What’s it like?” I finally asked.  
His head turned. “What?” He asked, blinking at me(his eyes as well as his nose).

I waved a hand vaguely at his reindeer costume. “Being Santa’s reindeer. Is it a good job?”

He laughed, dryly. “Not particularly. Tons of screaming kids, Santa’s a drunk, his helper is a druggie, as you know…” He waved at the retreating ambulance with one hand(paw? Hoof?) “But it pays well, and I needed the extra money to buy Christmas gifts and text books. You do what you have to.”

“Text books?”

He nodded. “I’m a graduate student. Up to my ears(here he patted his big reindeer ears, which made me giggle) in debt. Good times.”

“Man, I remember those years,” I mused. “Wasn’t so long ago for me. But I loved college, even with all of the stress. Best years of my life so far, really. Which might be a sad thing to say, I suppose.” I sighed heavily. “Now I’m single - when I don‘t want to be anymore - I hate my job, and being a full blown adult kind of sucks. Now I’ve been robbed and almost shot by Santa’s Little Helper. Geez. Merry Freaking Christmas,” and I slumped down on the curb, horribly depressed.

A hand came to rest on my shoulder, patting tenderly. “Dude, that sucks,” Rudolph said sympathetically. “But you should buck up. I’m sure there’s a woman out there who will think you’re really cute, any day now. Bound to happen. Cause you are,” he added. “Really cute, that is., Hope it doesn’t bother you that a guy is saying that to you…” he added anxiously.

I looked into his eyes. They were brown, and very pretty. I felt something twist inside my abdomen. “No, I don’t mind,” I said softly. “In fact, I really like it that a guy is saying that to me. Because I’m gay,” I told him.

He made a sound, and took off one of his hoof-gloves. Then he reached up and removed the blinking nose. His face was absolutely adorable. His lips were smiling. “That’s awesome,” he said. “Would it make you feel better if Rudolph gives you a little kiss right now?” he asked softly, glancing surreptitiously over at the cops, who were obviously getting ready to leave the parking lot.

I gulped heavily. “That would make me feel lots better,” I choked out.

His smile widened. “Well, then, Merry Christmas,” he cocked his head. “What’s your name? I should know the name of the guy I’m going to make out with.”

“Gerry,” I said hoarsely.

“Merry Christmas, Gerry,” he crooned, then he leaned forward. “My name’s Ben,” he added, just before his lips closed over mine.

 

So that horrible incident had a very happy ending, indeed. Rudolph’s(Ben’s) kiss did make me feel a lot better. And all the ones that followed after made me happier and happier. The Christmas after that incident, we celebrated his graduation from graduate school, and our first Christmas as a couple, by going away for the weekend to a bed and breakfast. Ben wore his Rudolph costume on Christmas Eve, and that was surprisingly hot. Also, I presented him with my gift - a gold and diamond engagement ring. He said yes! Merry Christmas to me, Merry Christmas to me…I’m marrying Santa’s reindeer…Merry Christmas to me!


End file.
